Taking stock
January is the time of year when we women make all kinds of resolutions. Usually, they are about doing better: trying harder, getting thinner, accomplishing more. For a few weeks we get up earlier, give up chocolate, run round the block. But then something happens:
perhaps a cold, or a lavish lunch with chocolate mousse for dessert … our good intentions go out the window and we slide back into our old habits. We berate ourselves for being weak and undisciplined. We feel we have failed.
There is nothing wrong with setting goals, and nothing wrong with wanting to improve our performance in any area of our life. But the goals have to be realistic and attainable. Instead of resolving to lose 20kg, commit to eating consciously. Every time you put something in your mouth, ask yourself, 'is this wholesome and nourishing?' If it isn't, you may go ahead and eat it anyway, but at least you will be observing your patterns and may gradually start to shift them.
Instead of trying to whip yourself into shape with a long list of what you must and must not do this year, take a gentler, more constructive approach: first take stock of where you are in the different departments of your life. Acknowledge what is working well and what you have achieved. However small, find something that you can give yourself credit for in each area of your life. Then write down what you would like to change, and what you might do, realistically, to bring that change about.
Making a visual representation of your intentions can be helpful. All you need to do is draw a big circle on a piece of paper, and divide it into wedges. Stick to six or eight, or it gets too complicated. Label the wedges according to what is appropriate for you. Your categories might be: Physical, emotional, social, financial, professional, spiritual; or family, work, home, health, leisure, creative. Choose the key areas that concern you and give them labels that you relate to.
Working with one category at a time, explore these questions in your journal:
1. How satisfied am I, in general, with this area of my life?
2. What have I achieved/changed/improved in this area of my life?
3. Where do I feel stuck in this area of my life?
4. What one thing would I like to be different?
5. What action or regular activity would help to bring about this change?
6. Where do I see the greatest opportunity for growth?
Give yourself time to really feel your way into these questions. When you have identified an achievement in each category as well as an intention for that area of your life, write them in the relevant wedges on your chart. Stick the piece of paper into your diary as a constant reminder of what you would like to achieve, and of what strides you have already made. You are far more likely to follow through on your resolutions when you distill them into actions that have real value to you, rather than setting sweeping, generalised goals that you know you'll probably sabotage.
After that, relax, get on with life. And if chocolate mousse comes your way, just have a little, and enjoy it.
This is the fourth of five columns in which Cape Town-based writing coach and journal-writing facilitator, Catherine Eden (info@cathyeden.co.za or www.cathyeden.co.za) offers questions for you to mull over, quietly, privately and without self-judgement.
