Guest Author

In an increasingly violent country it is essential for women to overcome the belief that someone else is going to protect them. It is not the police, an alarm or security company, but us as individuals we are our very own first line of defense.

The “fight or flight” response is a primitive mechanism in the body which enables us to mobilize a huge amount of energy rapidly in order to cope with an imminent threat to our lives.  It has helped our species survive. 

It is important to understand the physiological impact of the “fight or flight” response on your body; Your heart pumps at two to three times the normal speed, sending blood to the major muscles in your arms and legs.  The tiny blood vessels under the surface of your skin constrict so that you can sustain a surface wound and not bleed to death.  Even your eyes dilate so you can see better.  All functions of your body not needed for the fight or flight struggle shut down, including your digestive and immune systems.  Your suddenly supercharged body is designed to help level the odds between you and your attacker.

Unfortunately, the blood usually reserved for the decision making part of your brain is pumped to the primitive survival area.  So the blood has been sent into all the big muscles and your body is going “Should I run or should I fight?” and at this point, your brain does not have any decision making powers at all, you simply look like a deer in the headlights.  People who have been in violent confrontations often tell us, “I just froze, I couldn’t move”.

 The best way to overcome this fight or flight problem is to make your decisions way before hand. Picture various scenarios and decide what your response will be, think it though in detail and then practice your response.  For example, if I am at an ATM withdrawing money and a bad guy threatens me with a weapon and demands my money; my decision is that I will simply hand it over. 

This decision on its own however is not good enough, it will not prevent you from freezing should the situation actually occur.  You have to actually act it out.  Get a friend or a family member to pretend to hold you up and go through your reactions and decision step by step.  Each situation is different and it changes from moment to moment as you experience it so try the scenario a few times with different “types of attackers” ranging from pushy to drunk to really aggressive.  

I have a very standard response which I have practiced in most types of scenarios and I have found that this is the best way for me to stay relatively calm and comply with the bad guy’s request.  The three simple steps I use are:

1.    I put my hands up – this lets the aggressor know that I am unarmed and that I will comply with his requests.
2.    I lower my head – this removes any possible perception of challenge and also lets my attacker feel comfortable with the fact that there is less chance that I will be able to identify him (I do use peripheral vision to get a look though) and lastly;
3.    I open dialogue – in a calm voice, I assure that attacker that I will comply and ask him what he wants.  Opening dialogue also helps the blood to flow to the thinking part of my brain so that if I need to make adjustments to my strategy, then at least I am no longer frozen.  Your dialogue should always be positive, never use negative terms like “Don’t hurt me” or “Don’t shoot me”.  My standard response is “You can take it, just tell me what you want”.

It is only when you actually play through the scenarios in this manner that you are able to work through the type of detail that you will require in a confrontation.  Remember that most attacks are not personal; they are about separating you from your possessions.   Prioritize what is important to you and make your decisions based on your priorities.
 
Please understand that we are all different though and you may decide to retaliate instead of giving up but you will need to play through these scenarios as well.  There is no wrong or right way to react; we each have to do what is right for us.

Making your decisions beforehand and practicing your responses is the key to breaking the flight or fight response freeze.

Contact Kelee Arrowsmith  083 6262-888  kelee@advancedconflict.com