Being in a new relationship is always daunting, but when you reach a point where you and your partner just feel comfortable and compatible with each, it other becomes amazing. Now, before you two jump in the sack, you need to have a sensible conversation about all things sex.
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Sex for so long has been a topic that many people have tried to avoid , but these days most we feel more comfortable talking about it. Sex is such an intimate and personal experience (even if done in a casual capacity), the need to talk and understand what each participant expects from sex is important.
The main concerns:
As a couple, you should feel comfortable and recognise the importance of discussing your concerns about having sex, particularly in a new relationship. Talking about pregnancy and the consequences thereof is important. There is no such thing as the heat of the moment – abortion or a forced marriage is no fun!
Do you know your partner well enough to believe him/her about their STD/ HIV status? You need to be careful not to be led solely by feelings/emotions or pressure from your partner to have sex. If you want to know their status, but are not sold by what they tell you, ask to see it in hardcopy. It may seem harsh, but better be safe.
Define your dislikes and likes
If you only get turned on by covering yourself with oil and swing from the chandelier, you should share it with your partner before. We all have different boundaries and desires, and what is kinky for one can be a nightmare for another. You must both enjoy it.
While you may feel madly in love and in lust, you should ask yourself these questions:
- Comfortable enough with him?
- Ready to fully commit to a long lasting relationship?
- Sure this is the right time?
- Honest with myself?
- Willing to wait should I ask him to?
- Sleeping with anyone else?
- Expecting anything particular with this relationship?
- Interested in a long-term relationship?
- Being honest with you?
1. Talk about it?
Ironic that people have sex more easily than they talk about it. This is what you want to try to avoid from happening. Talking about the above questions is the best way to prevent you facing any of the main concerns you may have.
2. Agree on consent?
Whether you may be a novice or an expert at sex having from previous sexual partners, there should always be consent from both parties. You never want to be in a position where you feel the sexual encounter was not consenting. You need to know for sure if you want to have sex with your partner.
Delaying sex is good for a relationship
The truth is that there is no rush to have sex. Don’t always believe what “experts” and advice columns have to say about how long you should wait to have sex. It is your body and your mental wellbeing and you need to decide how to best treat them. Delaying sex can make your relationship stronger and help build trust and actual friendship and companionship between the two of you. You want to enjoy sex, so don’t worry, it is worth the wait.
Communication in any relationship is key, but it is particularly important to communicate with the person you choose to get intimate with. Couples that talk about sex are likely to have a more stable long lasting relationships. The consequences of miscommunication about sex between couples can lead to all kinds of problems that can put strain on the relationship. This is why these questions will help when you want to have this important conversation with your partner. Good luck!
Written by Busi Nhlapo