Corporate Affairs

We are all afraid so we surround ourselves within a cocoon. This cocoon is comprised of all our neuroses. I have neuroses . . . you have neuroses . . .  we all have neuroses! These, exist in the space between our true vulnerable selves, and our interaction with, and perception of the world, thereby clouding our vision as to what is real.

As such our true selves and another’s true selves seldom interact with one another and with the world. Rather, it is our neuroses that interact with one another, thereby resulting in the multitude of sensitivities, complexities and confusion which we so regularly experience in our daily lives and relationships.

In January this year I had a life changing experience. I had the privilege of attending a retreat in New Zealand. It was a well deserved gift which I gave myself, with my families blessing and understanding.  
In essence these were my insights:
•    The ability to experience personal compassion, or compassion for the self, that is real self acceptance without judgement, criticism or condemnation which is the beginning of, and the eternal source for experiencing and interacting with the world in a more gentle, accepting and compassionate manner.

•    Constant criticism and judgement of our present state of being as in:
“When, I have lost weight”
“When, I no longer lose my temper”
“When, I get better grades”
“When, I achieve my targets”
“When, I am fit” . . .
are in actual fact aggressive attacks on the self. As with the interpersonal experience where aggression, criticism and judgement provoke more of the “same”, so is it regarding the relationship with the self. Self judgement and condemnation, contribute towards the perpetuation and repetition, of current learnt ways of being. Only with compassion, acceptance and kindness can true learning be facilitated.

The mind is like a wild untamed horse. It requires training in order to become steady, precise and to see with absolute clarity.

Meditation is one vehicle which promotes training the mind in:
•    Living in the moment
•    Mindfulness
•    Precision
•    Clarity
•    Compassion

By studying and contemplating the self, and, by having the courage, to be with the self, with no escape, we come to know, not only ourselves, but more of the world.

The true test for us women of being in the moment, comes in times of personal difficulty, or interpersonal conflict. Only if we are able to remain in the moment ,”in the raw so to speak”, will we be able to feel, interpret and understand clearly our own, and others, moment by moment, life experience.

The ego works incredibly hard, and absorbs a huge amount of energy each and every day, simply to maintain our current perception of ourselves. That is the picture which we have created of how we “should” or “ought” to be.

I work with magnificent people in the coaching and leadership sphere. When I examine commonalities in their experience the following analogy springs to mind:
“A children’s roundabout . . . in everyday life we go so fast, that we literally spin off the roundabout, and graze ourselves, and knock the breath out of ourselves. We then breathlessly and inelegantly scramble back on, time and again, grasping, grasping for something? Anything? Money, control, approval, power, position! And yet, the more times we jump onto the merry go round, paradoxically, the more elusive our destination becomes.

In conclusion, the challenge is in shifting from an intellectual appreciation of the above, to a moment by moment understanding and approximation of practicing to live life, in the moment.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not come, and NOW is all that we have. Deep within us, we have the intelligence, the understanding, the experience, the wisdom, the compassion, the humour and the integrity to be perfectly fine, and able to do, what needs to be done, as the moment arrives on its own terms.

The challenge for us therefore,   when not in the artificial and safe context of a retreat, is integrating this understanding and practice into the complexity of everyday life.

The question is: How?

The answer is deceptively  simple, and I will attempt to share it to you in three ways:

In the language of leadership:
Every leader should take ten minutes of silence a day, in which he or she does absolutely nothing other than allow their thoughts to flow.

In Buddhist language:
Ten minutes of meditation a day will train the mind in clarity, precision and compassion.

The corporate way:
Simply walk the stairwell, or walk around the block for ten minutes a day, being mindful of walking, or simply concentrate on taking one step at a time, step after step, after step. If interrupted, deal with what calls you, and resume the activity for a few moments more.

In my experience, the moment we attempt to go harder, better, faster, and smarter, the further we retreat from our true authentic selves. What we need to understand, is that there is true wisdom in understanding:
•    That finally, when all is said and done, we cannot escape ourselves
•    That our first thought is our best thought and that it takes tremendous courage to do absolutely nothing, for only ten minutes a day

Doing nothing for ten minutes a day will bring with it a different perspective, one in which we achieve paradoxically the control we so aspire to, simply by learning to let go. That is not by doing, taking action or trying to control, but simply by being, and accepting what is.

A final contemplation recently told to me by a life-long, well loved friend:
Have you lived well, loved well, dreamed richly, learnt to let go, and left a gentle footprint on the earth, leaving it a better place for others when you go?

Dr Renate Volpe is a key note speaker, author and leadership coach.
Contact her via www.adbook.co.za, or www.hirs.co.za