Guest Author

Are you constantly at war with your body and does it ever hold you back from being as much of the kind of wonderful awe inspiring woman you would like to be?  For example, are there ever times when you have to walk into a room and all you’re able to focus on is worrying about what to wear to hide your big behind or if everyone is only noticing the weight you feel you’ve recently gained?  

Are you constantly at war with your body and does it ever hold you back from being as much of the kind of wonderful awe inspiring woman you would like to be?  For example, are there ever times when you have to walk into a room and all you’re able to focus on is worrying about what to wear to hide your big behind or if everyone is only noticing the weight you feel you’ve recently gained?  

Or have there ever been times when you’ve had to do a presentation and you’ve worried about how to stand so your audience can’t see you from the side, or how to sit so that no-one can see how big your thighs are? And er… dare I mention those times when we’d love to hit the beach, but limit our lives because we won’t get into a bathing suit?

Think about it… when you were a young child your body just wasn’t an issue.   Your belly and thighs were simply a part of you that you didn’t give a second thought to.  I’ll hazard a guess few of us ever thought about whether certain clothes would hide certain body parts or about whether our flesh dimply flesh was all tucked in. In my case, I remember that all I knew was that the fewer clothes the better.   Never mind needing a bathing suit – going naked gave me the freedom I relished.   I loved mirrors and thought my green eyes and mousy brown hair were gorgeous.   I loved photographs of myself and couldn’t wait to see myself on video – and I wanted to see them over and over.  It never occurred to me that one day, mirrors might be something I’d hate, photograph’s might be something I’d tear up and videos be something I’d avoid as if they were the plague.   And, because back then, I had such an unconditional acceptance of myself and the body that housed me, it was also easy to like myself.  Imagine if, even with your current body, you were able to find yourself back to that place where you were free to see yourself only through self-loving and kind eyes – what would you be able to accomplish then that you may not be able to do now?  How would you walk into that room then?

Imagine if we lived in a world where the over-riding belief was that it is never healthier to be self-hating than self-loving?  How differently would you be living your days?  How would the conversations you have with and about yourself differ? Let’s face it: if self-criticism and hating parts of yourself were such wonderful ways to change, how come so many women are still unhappy with their bodies?  Until we stop the mind-war we have with our bodies, we’re wasting valuable energy we could devote to being our truly amazing selves on something that is not only unhelpful, but also downright hurtful.  Your relationship with your body is astoundingly important – it’s your vehicle for feeling, reaching out, moving and living in this world. If you hate it, you can be certain little else about you will escape being criticized. Some of us would really benefit from evicting the voice we hear inside our heads – after all, it’s like having a non-rent-paying and ever-complaining squatter who is causing misery. 

I love SARK’s attitude:  “Let’s laugh at cellulite! Start a cellulite acceptance club.  Find ways to make friends with it.  If I realize that cellulite has stuck by me all these years, it must have something to offer.  I also think that if we could get cellulite put onto Barbie dolls, it would help a lot with self-acceptance.  Let’s look closer at the size of our hearts (not our bodies), the width of our souls (not our hips) and the length of our spirits.” (Succulent Wild Women)

Let’s remember the wisdom of Martha Graham:  “Our most essential fashion accessories are the ones no-one can afford to be without but which everyone can afford:  a generous heart, a spontaneous smile, sparkling eyes and delight – these can be your signatures.”

Cari Corbet-Owen is a psychologist and the author of the Mind over Fatter programme see www.mindoverfatter.co.za.