Let him win at loving you. This is a lesson I learnt the hard way. I had to own up to the fact that I never let my ex-husband win at loving me.
I spent most of the time being demanding that my high expectations be met without ever actually sharing them with him in a way that gave him the opportunity to agree to them, or not. I just measured him against them anyway! And how could he meet an expectation he didn’t even know about?
Your man (or partner) needs to feel that by simply being around you, he can make you happy and that you are at peace and fully satisfied in his company.
This is why an overly critical woman can make her man feel he’s failed at loving her. He’ll then withdraw his affection and love from her. He may even say things like, “I can’t win” or “whatever I do, it’s never enough”
Facing up to how demanding I was of my ex-husband was brutal. I needed to admit that I left him no space to show up like a man around me – the very thing I most wanted! So if you are resisting this one, I get it! Ask yourself, “Have I let him feel he can always win (be successful) at loving me?” This is a crucial lesson for keeping love alive.
Remember that opposites attract – yet somewhere you may have turned what you were first attracted to about him, into something ‘wrong’ with him, that you need to fix or change – all under the guise of him being a better person.
So I come back to the comment at the beginning of this series – ENSURE YOU ARE FULFILLED AS A WOMAN FIRST. If who you are for yourself as a woman, is whole, complete and perfect, then you won’t look to your partner to ‘complete’ something you feel is missing within you. And you ARE whole, complete and perfect – any conversation that you are not, is just over there with you in your mind.
Next time you come home and you’re feeling grumpy; ensure your man knows he is amazing and that he makes you very happy and that your moods have nothing to do with him!
Coming up next, keeping love alive principle – maintain the polarity of your relationship
Sending you a big hug!
Mandy Russell – Small business Performance Coach and South Africa’s Divorce Angel – has over a decade’s experience in the personal transformation arena leading seminars to thousands of people. Having been through her own divorce, and realizing how much she underestimated the trauma; Mandy is making this extraordinary programme available to women in Africa with it’s high divorce rates and huge demands on women to be breadwinners and head up single parent households. For more see www.nakeddivorce.com
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