Who you become is far more important than what you get. Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you’ve got! What do you need to change to be that dynamic woman?
Today is life! The only one moment you are sure of. Make the most of your one life.
How often, if ever, do you step off the treadmill of life, take your focus off all your roles and just for a moment, take the time to stop? Stop to consider how magnificently and uniquely you have been created. To embrace the truth that of the six billion people on the earth today, there is only one you. That never before in the history of mankind has there ever been another you, and long after your footprints leave this earth, there will never be another you! You have ability, purpose and destiny designed in your very DNA. You are indeed a never-to-be-repeated again masterpiece. It is time to celebrate you. Celebrate your contribution to the world. For it is only in making a contribution to the lives of others that you truly begin to sense fulfilment.
True success is not so much about what you have obtained or achieved, but about who you are and who you are becoming. It is making the transition from being overly success-focused, to becoming a woman of significance. The significant woman is the woman who uses what she has learned, gained – her knowledge and achievements, her wealth and her resources for the benefit of others.
Being continually success-to-excess driven means your focus is totally on your own achievements and desires. It is all only about your performance. Now aiming for success, of course, has its place, and is crucial in your life cycle, because being significant requires that you share what you have achieved. Quite simply put, you cannot give what you do not have. However the “success-to-excess” mindset can lead you to push yourself too hard and to become dependent on the accolades of others, resulting in you not being able to step off the treadmill, even just for a moment. Transformation means dramatic change. Dramatic change is what is needed to break the patterns that keep you running when you know it is time to stop and re-dress your life and find fulfilling ways of building into the lives of your spouse, your family, friends and those to whom you can make a valuable contribution. It is when you shift from performance to appreciation of your life that you start to find your purpose. Your purpose is knowing and understanding your “Why for life”; the reason for your existence.
In his most recent book, Finishing Well, Bob Buford shares by way of interview, the stories of many high achievers who found that their lives never really became significant until they realised life wasn’t only about their achievements or wealth creation, but it certainly was about using what they had learned, gained and achieved to add inestimable value to the lives of others.
We have been miraculously created to reach our full potential in this one life we have been given. Yet so few recognise or release their potential. Potential is defined as power in reserve. Many go to the grave with much of their power still in reserve. There is no sadder word from tongue or pen, than the words, “It might have been.” Life is too short to live and die with regret. It has been said that the richest land is the graveyards. So many who have died with all of their wealth on the inside of them, never did they release their gifts and talents to the world.
So what needs to change? What do you need to let go of to move to significance, and what do you need to embrace? What is embedded on the inside of you that needs to surface and come to the fore to make a difference to this world?
It is a well documented fact that you cannot effectively live in the present or progress into the future until you have let go of the past. You will make the same mistakes, continue in the same habits and repeat the same patterns until you recognise the need to change. You are the sum total today of your thoughts and actions of yesterday.
Your sense of self-worth has been positively created or fragmented by your past experiences. You therefore can only move on to restoration once you have begun the process of personal transformation, i.e. letting go of those circumstances and people that have caused you hurt, humiliation and harm. The way to let go is to firstly recognise it, confront it, and then discard it.
Unexpressed feelings never die; they merely express themselves in more harmful ways. This is one of the reasons people are driven to over-achievement, to burn out, and why they are in desperate need of the approval of others. Projections become misplaced and unresolved matters get entrenched in hard work, long hours, and unrealistic expectations. With the result, relationships suffer, stress levels soar and fatigue and burnout becomes your portion, and being that dynamic woman becomes a limp desire.
As I work with women from all walks of life across our nation, I am always impressed at how versatile, talented and marvellous women are. I am equally distressed at how impeded, fragmented, and disjointed many women are. In the process of group coaching, it does not take long to discover that many women lose their dynamic qualities because of two dangerous factors that have potentially destabilised their lives.
The first one is living in their past and with unforgiveness. To truly grow and develop, you need to release yourself and everyone from your past experiences. You can do nothing about yesterday, it is gone forever. Tomorrow is not yet your reality, so don’t mess up your today and tomorrow with yesterday. Unforgiveness is trying to make someone else pay for your pain. Sadly, most people don’t even recognise that you are in pain. They only experience your bitterness. Unforgiveness causes more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than the object onto which it is poured. It is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is about your freedom. It never justifies the other person’s behaviour neither does it mean that you should reconcile with your offender. It really is about you making the choice to release those who have caused you hurt, humiliation and harm, so that you can be free from their “presence” in your life. Forgiving another means you can be free whether they change or not. Justice has its place, but true healing can only take place when you forgive. It’s worth it. Be that dynamic woman!
The second factor is guilt. What is guilt but turned in unforgiveness? Guilt arises when you compromise your own standards. When you do something that you know should not form part of your value system and your life. It is not allowing yourself the freedom to be forgiven. Guilt is often the cause of anger which can lead to depression. Depression is anger without expression. You cannot arise and be the woman you were created to be with all this toxic waste in your system! Make the choice to be that dynamic woman and to travel light through this life, leaving everything behind that does not add value to your life, and rising above your circumstances, acknowledging that you never have to be a victim of anyone or anything else again. You win or lose by the way you choose! Doing it right today, means no regrets tomorrow.
Truth is only 10% of life is what happens to you. 90% of the enjoyment, richness and abundance of your life is determined by how you react to what happens in your life. Life is really about choosing, not merely living in hope. Be that dynamic woman and choose today to see your life as a unique, multi-talented, significant creation. Why wait another day waiting for something or someone else to change. You become the change you want to experience in your life. Take a proactive approach to enjoying your life. Being proactive means that you prepare beforehand for what will be required in your future.
When you know what you want out of your life, only then will you know what you need to put in. Too many women live lives of quiet desperation, secretly hoping that someone or some circumstance will change. They do not realise that they have resident within them all the ingredients to make right choices that will begin to measure, mould, and manufacture the very things they so desire.
Your life is what you think it is. How you think totally affects your life. Thought is the seed of all experience and action. A woman is indeed what she thinks in her heart. Focus your thoughts on what you do want, not on what you don’t want. Anything you want to see different in your outer life, you must first see in your inner life or imagination – your thought life. Whatever is impressed in your thoughts will be expressed. You are always communicating. Communication is evidenced in your facial expression, your attitude, your posture, your body language and in your verbal communication. Your thoughts determine your feelings which translate into your attitudes, your attitudes are expressed in your words and your words create action. What you “see” in your mind’s eye is usually what you get. What thoughts are you holding about your life that is keeping you from being that dynamic woman?
What you conceive in your imagination about yourself and your abilities, and you believe it, you will achieve it. For good or for bad, for rich or for poor, for effectiveness or lethargy, for enthusiasm or depression. Most of our problems stem from wrong thinking.
Now is the time to let go of your past, the old memories that haunt you, and forgive those that in ignorance or through problems of their own, have hurt you. Change your thoughts to change your world. Make a radical choice today to never be a victim but choose to be the victor in every situation.
To be that dynamic woman, value yourself enough to leap off the hamster wheel that takes you round in circles, take some valuable “me” time to de-stress your life and allow yourself to stop…breathe, and be thankful for the awesome life you have. It is time to begin to reach out to other people, to value them, and share your significance with them. All those awards, accolades, successes and finance – share them with those who may not have experienced the privileged life you have known. This is your “Why” of life.
Today is the day that you can ARISE and be that dynamic woman! What are you waiting for?
By Angelique du Toit, our March Inspiring Woman of the Month
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