Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually) is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many, most people want to make a good first impression. At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether you’re looking for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one’s intelligence to one’s looks to one’s ability to tell a good joke. Dating puts it all out there.
How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating? There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more appropriate for some people than others.
First Things First
A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other person is likely to sense your “desperation” (for lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or, if you don’t, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you’re not worth dating, you’ll never find someone, and that you’ll be single for the rest of your life.
Yes, you’ve heard it many times before, and there’s a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it’s best if this happens when you’re being true to yourself. If you’re “faking” it, you’re then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This takes a lot of effort, it’s dishonest, and you can’t keep it up for very long anyway. So whatever your faults, try not to hide them too much. This doesn’t mean that you put them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means that you don’t go to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be something or someone you’re not.
Get Out of Yourself
To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do–get to know someone else better. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about how you look, what you’re saying, and what type of impression you’re making.
Try Something Different
If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving. If you have something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and confident.
Ten Tips to Increase Your Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You too need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life. Here are ten tips that can help you build that elusive self-confidence:
1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don’t notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.
2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost you’re a self-confidence, and help you achieve bigger goals.
3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goal. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly, and seek his advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.
4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.
5. Pay attention to how you look. Take pleasure in wearing good clothes and being well groomed. It makes you feel good. People too look at you differently. Remember that every human being wants to be found in the company of smart, intelligent, successful people. You can soon be a centre of attraction if you radiate a positive, smart look. It can very easily make the difference between success and failure.
6. Don’t be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell, and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to shrug your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes, and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.
7. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in his career. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.
8. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what’s going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don’t focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.
9. Take part in activities that you are good at. You may have excelled at things in the past and then given them up due to lack of time. Return to those activities again and see your self-confidence grow.
10. Pick up a new hobby or craft that interests you. It will keep you occupied. It will also increase your self-confidence as you become more skilled in it.
Try to practice these tips as faithfully as you can, and see the difference in your life.