So you just found out he cheated on you? OUCH! According to Sharon Rivkin (argument and affair expert), take to deep breathing, as you are experiencing shock. Deep breathing reduces your panic and bad decision making…so… breathe in and out…
You are in crisis mode, be kind to yourself. If you have responsibilities you need help with, phone a friend for help. Do what you can and no more.
It’s not your fault…EVER! • They are 100% responsible for their decision to cheat • They cheat because they can • If they were unhappy, they should have ended it with you first • They chose an ego boost from another woman, instead of your feelings or well-being
Don’t beg for your relationship. • When you beg you hand over your power, and boost their ego. • You need to keep your dignity and detach yourself from them • You need space to process and heal. Trust has been broken
Don’t try and figure them out. • Creating scenarios of what you think he is up to, or who he is with, is a NO-NO. You are feeding energy into the wrong thoughts. Encourage positive thought patterns • Accept that this was his decision. You need to own what is yours, and let go of what is not yours to own • It is better to have found out now rather than later, after more has been invested in the relationship
The Moving on Process . . . 9 Practical Steps:
1. At first you will question and dig into what has happened, and torture yourself with scenarios in your head. Accept that this is normal, but as they say, don’t unpack there and make a home. You need to bounce back.
2. You need to mourn the “loss”. Give yourself time. You are allowed to cry and experience the emotions. Here is an interesting video on Loss of love (symbolic death): Be inspired!! You are not alone.
3. Surround yourself with people who love you, and invest your time in people who accept you. Spend more time with family and friends. You will need shoulders to cry on, and support to get you through this time
4. If there is to be reconciliation, make it known that trust is earned, and it will be a process. If not, cut all ties, delete him off all social media networks (out of sight, out of mind). Focus on you and your wellbeing. Delete everything that reminds you of them.
5. If you can afford it, go see a therapist, and talk about it, work through the emotions of rejection, hurt, sadness and anger. Work through these emotions to properly move on and forward.
6. Do not react. Your reaction is a reflection of yourself, not of him. Be wary of how you behave from here on out. Carry yourself like a lady.
7. Remind yourself why the relationship is over: because he cheated, not because you were not good enough. Do not allow your mind to think otherwise. The point now is to build yourself up, not talk yourself down 8. Find new activities and hobbies, distractions work best 9. In time you will trust and believe in love again. Your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you . . .
Time doesn’t heal as Dr Phil says. He says it’s what you do with that time. So start the process, take it day by day, give yourself time, and always be kind to yourself. Just by reading this you are stronger and better equipped than most dealing with the same situation.
Megan Mc Kinlay
To read more articles on relationships, click here