How should we play our parenting roles not to result in undesired behaviour in our children? – here are some actions we must prevent:
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Assuming the role of a parent may be so inborn that you don’t see yourself being an ineffective parent, but eventually you are challenged with the inability of improving your child’s behaviour.
The good news is that this can be rectified as a child’s behaviour is a reflection of a parenting style you have adopted. If you identify your ineffective parenting style, you are provided with a solution to alter the way you respond to your child’s behaviour.
1. Screaming and Shouting
Screaming and yelling at your child as a means of discipline, you have adopted a flawed parenting role that will not result in a positive behaviour change. By screaming and yelling at your child, you are illustrating that you have lost control over the situation and in due time your child will mirror that behaviour too.
Control your temper, never get involved in a screaming match with your child and always speak calmly with an assertive tone if discipline needs to be enforced.
The prime mistake any parent can relate to is negotiating with their child. Engaging in a discussion with your child about the rules and consequences often leads to your child getting the upper hand and forcing you to alter the rules. This parenting role is ineffective as you spend most of your time debating with your child about rules you have set.
Maintain firm confidence in the rules you have set up and don’t allow yourself to be controlled by your own child. You are the authority.
3. The Protector
No parent wants their child to be distraught, but this parenting role of being the protector goes overboard. By working determinedly to ensure that your child is shielded from negativity and difficulties in life, you’re actually allowing your child to believe that they are incapable of managing difficult situations on their own, thus hindering them from developing their own strengths.
Frustration, sadness and anger are emotions any child should feel in order to be able to cope with how to deal with them and learn for future similar situations. Your job is to allow your child to feel these emotions and guide them along the way.
4. The Perfectionist
All parents want the best for their child and some want their child to be the best at everything – this role is known as the perfectionist. By adopting this role, you set high standards for your child, frequently raising the bar if they get closer to the goal and never being satisfied with their achievements. Due to this role, your child is likely to never share their accomplishments, not engage in conversations with you as they are fearful of you.
Think about what your child needs and not what you need or want from them. Negative pressure does not foster a good environment for your child’s growth. Develop a relationship whereby you are more in tune with your child’s interests and allow them to discover their talents.
5. The Compensator
This sort of parenting role is observed in families whereby the parents have split up or the child sees more of one parent than the other. By treating your child with money or treats and over compensating by filling that void in their life, they learn to easily manipulate you in getting whatever they want. This role can result in future problems with your child being incompetent in achieving their own personal goal.
As a parent you should not be manipulated by your child, rather discover ways to handle their reaction when your child can’t obtain what he/she wants.
As a parent you innately have the opportunity to adopt a role that can warrant your child’s development and growth into a healthy adult. Choosing the most effective role is a step closer to becoming an effective parent. You can do it!