Do you feel that your mother told you all you need to know about sex? No? Well, join a very big club! Most of us were told basics, but these simply aren’t enough when you encounter real problems with real people as you grow older. So here are four facts that you almost certainly weren’t told by your mother. Knowing them could help you to a more enjoyable sex life.
Related article: 8 Reasons Why He Really Wants to Make You Orgasm
Fact one: climaxing isn’t that easy
For most females, learning to climax can be quite a difficult business. Nowadays, men tend to suggest to women that they should be able to reach orgasm very easily.
The media – and that includes romantic novels and erotic films – often give the same impression. And nowadays the proliferation of porn online has given men some very strange ideas about what is pleasurable for women. In real life, these sorts of activities do not turn many women on much, if at all. And they are most unlikely to give her an orgasm.
The other important point to note is that intercourse alone is rarely a reliable route to orgasm for women. And it’s normal for women to prefer to have orgasms before or after intercourse – by means of manual stimulation or oral sex. Some lucky women can orgasm through intercourse alone. But the majority of females need to rub their own clitoris, or to have their partner do this for them, while intercourse is taking place.
And of course, this isn’t always easy and will depend upon whether or not you’re in a sexual position where one of you can easily touch this vital organ. Our research shows that the average British female doesn’t start having reliable orgasms until about two years after she first has sex.
However, there are many women who don’t conform to this pattern. For instance, a lot of teenage girls learn to climax on their own – through masturbation – long before they ever go near a man. But in general, the ability to ‘come’ has to be learned over a considerable period of time.
So, if you haven’t managed it yet, don’t be downhearted – because you almost certainly will get there. Some of our patients experienced their first orgasm when they were in their 40s.