Home Lifestyle Relationship Corner The impact of NOT healing from your divorce…

The impact of NOT healing from your divorce…

get over your ex

When you repress your emotions, your behaviour and reactions to events in the present are really reactions to past events, too. This has a negative effect on your relationships.

You can’t be fully present with those you love until you have released your emotions from the past. Not dealing with your emotions over an extended period of time can also lead to premature ageing and major illness in your body. Said another way, you cannot hide how you truly feel from yourself or others.

Pharmacologist Dr Candace Pert, (whom has a PhD in cellular biology and biophysics) and Dr Deepak Chopra, author, renowned endocrinologist, and leader in the field of quantum physics and mind-body healing have spent years researching the lasting impact of repressed emotions in the body. Some of this research appears to suggest that specific emotions can also lead to specific issues in the body such as:-

  • Repressing Anger (as it rests mostly in the shoulders and upper back) can lead to an unexpected outbreak of acne, issues with the jaw (as you have clenched your teeth), back and neck tension, and at its worst: cancer and chronic fatigue.
  • Repressing Fear (as fear rests mostly in the stomach) can lead to constipation, Crohn’s disease, irritable bowel syndrome and other issues of the bowel and colon.
  • Repressing Sadness (as sadness lives mostly in the heart/lung region) can leadto heart/lung problems, throat and voice problems, and issues with your eyes.
  • Resentment and bitterness can literally affect your face as it carves a nasty pointed look. This is often referred to as the divorce look, when someone simply looks and behaves like they are divorced. Some women don’t even know that people can sense their bitterness, but it is written all over them: the battle they did with marriage, and the resultant scars they carry with them. Whenever you mention their ex, a dark cloud covers their face that scrunches up with venom and anger whilst they sweetly say that they are, “fine” (whilst they wish he would burn in hell). These thoughts have an ageing effect too.

If you find yourself holding onto your anger and resentment, consider the impact on your health, life, kids and your face.

If you are taking your time, then confront that you may be choosing to hold onto your suffering

You may not be sure about being ready to get over your divorce. Maybe you are not sure what to do or perhaps you picked up this book to see what will happen. Sometimes it’s a question of commitment to the process, or being afraid of letting go. Perhaps you’re still holding onto something.

Sometimes when we hold onto things, there is a certain payoff – some advantage or benefit that reinforces the cycle of behaviour – to not letting go.

But this payoff has high costs, whether to our vitality, affinity, self-expression, or sense of fulfilment. So if you are suffering but can see no way out of the suffering, consider that simply the benefit you are receiving for suffering is so juicy that giving up the suffering is simply inconceivable.

If I take my example with my ex-husband; he cheated on me many times and if I am truly honest, I enjoyed being the victim for a little while. It was utterly delicious.

“Poor sad and lonely Adèle who was wronged by this bad man. I feel so sorry for you.” I got loads of attention and lots of hugs and sympathy. I felt righteous and justified and had a gang of followers. We had ‘Team Adèle’ VS ‘Team Bruce’.

The problem was that inside I was still suffering. I was more interested in my agenda of getting attention, being the victim and feeling righteous instead of moving on, healing and living a happy successful life. So here is a little secret I will let you in on: Your TRUE agenda always shines through.

The problem for most of us is we have no idea what our true agenda is. We lie to ourselves and tell others and ourselves that we have good intentions, but if you are feeling disempowered in any way, shape or form, consider that your true agenda is revealed.

Your true agenda is in place so you can receive some hidden benefit in return.

If at this point you’re not entirely convinced that healing from your divorce is apriority, then here’s another point to consider…

Exercise:
Identify what the TRUE agenda has been in healing from your divorce. What do you think it might be?
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What is the impact on your life of having this agenda?
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What can you now see is possible?
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What is a new agenda you are committed to having inyour life?
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Till next time, when we will find out the biggest misconceptions about divorce!

Sending you a big hug!

adele

Adèle Théron – Author, Change specialist, Family Mediator and Divorce Angel – has an 11 year career in helping people cope with change. She used her change management techniques to develop a revolutionary systemised process called the naked divorce for healing from divorce within 21 steps. Adèle has worked with professional men, women and couples as a family mediator, Divorce Angel and divorce programme trainer, helping people heal from break ups, separations and divorce. Today countless people depend on her process to help them heal from divorce. www.nakeddivorce.com

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