Do you think you are not good enough, you never do anything right in the relationship? How could one person be totally responsible for a relationship to fail? He is all you need . . . or so you think.
And eventually you ask: “How could I have been so blind? Well, because love is blind. We tend to see only the good in people who have stolen our hearts. Our logic and reason all but evaporates when we think we have found the one. You ignore the bad
How sorely I was deluded, and brainwashed to thinking that this was the only relationship I would have, that if I left, I would never be worthy of anyone else. I was partially to blame. I gave my power to another human being. And what happens when you give away your power? You are under your partners’ control.
I made excuses for him, I told my family that it was my fault, that I needed help, that I was the problem, but after reading up on toxic relationships, I found the tell tale signs of being in a toxic relationship, and how they damaged my self esteem.
These pointers help identify whether you are in a toxic relationship, so that you can get help, or get out!
• Your self esteem decreases when you are with this person and decreases over time
• The relationship is draining
• There are more fights than there are good times
• You are not yourself, you don’t feel good enough
• You tend to alienate yourself from friends and family
• You find yourself compromising on almost everything to keep them happy
• You have heard them say “You’re lucky to have me!”
• Your partner belittles you often, and covers it up by saying “I’m only joking!” But in actuality, they aren’t.
• You never seem to do anything right in their eyes, or they show you how they would do it
• You tend to brush off the bad, by saying “They will change!”
• You feel insecure, and often wonder whether you’re a priority
• Unpredictable temper. Do you feel you have to walk on eggshells? (they don’t show this side to other people). They often blame their temper on you, that you are the cause.
• You can’t express your feelings without it seeming like you’re being selfish or needy. For example, if they say they were going to call, and they don’t, they somehow turn it around and make it your fault.
• You feel guilty if you do something they don’t like
• Their motto is something like “I won’t let anyone control me!” These individuals rarely keep commitments. They give you just enough to keep you coming back
• Their mantra is “I’ve done nothing wrong.”
• You know they would leave you if they found someone else who could offer them more. This is a tell tale sign of a user! Beware this kind!
• They have the memory of an elephant. If you want to know what you did wrong on the 14th of March 1999, they will know exactly what you did!
• You often don’t feel safe or secure in your relationship
After reading these I realised I was in a toxic relationship. I am glad to say I am no longer in it. Want to see if you too are in a toxic relationship? Try this Toxic Relationship Quiz
Part 2 on Moving Forward coming soon!!
Megan Mc Kinlay
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