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Trust Issues: Do Second Chances Work?


A healthy and committed relationship is based on love, respect, communication and most importantly trust. What happens then, when trust goes flying out the window? In the beginning of a new relationship, a couple assess each other and their character. You learn about each other’s likes, dislikes, favourites and about each other’s friends and family. Basically, it’s a test of compatibility and seeing how you two fit together.

The “honeymoon” phase

In the first few months of dating when the relationship is still fairly new, you and your partner are still in the romantic phase and the attraction is still rife. The relationship is flourishing and this is when you and your partner settle into a steady and exclusive relationship.


Both parties in a relationship want to feel secure in the knowledge that they have a partner that they can trust and see a long term future with. However, circumstances can change those plans abruptly, what happens when you find out that your partner is cheating on you? What if you are the one who cheated?

Broken promises

When you are in a relationship and profess love to your partner, you are making them a promise. A promise to be faithful, caring and never hurt them intentionally.

When a partner cheats on you or you cheat on them, that promise is broken. One of you made a conscious decision to hurt the other. Whether it was a brief affair, one-time occurrence or a huge mistake, in the end, trust was broken.

Second chances

When the truth of a partner’s infidelity comes to light, three things might occur:

1.    The person who was cheated on can end the relationship immediately without having to listen to explanations or excuses.

2.    You can give the cheater a chance to explain why they cheated and give yourself time to decide on what approach you are going to take.

3.    The most difficult step is forgiving your partner and giving them a second chance to try and make your relationship work.

An affair can either break or strengthen a relationship. The decision one takes when they have been cheated on is one that they have to seriously consider.
•    If you truly believe that your partner made a mistake and can forgive the indiscretion completely, you have to let it go completely and not bring it up every time you fight.
•    Sometimes, when there are children involved in a relationship or a house, a car or something that joins you together, calling it quits can be a hard thing to do.

If you are able to put the infidelity aside and make it work with your partner that’s okay, but that should also not be the reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.
•    Sometimes you have to be brave and let go. Your happiness should come first and sometimes a cheater might see it as weakness on your part and cheat on you again.

Either way, you have the power to determine what happens to your relationship if you have been wronged. Do not worry about what people think and do what’s best for you.

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